Category Archives: humor

Engrish

We don’t need an English editor, right?  I wish I could conquer concur.

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The Money Shot

Say “Milkbone!”  Yes, we’ve got some really cheesy centerfold poses going on this morning.  Not sure why, but Terri arranged herself on a pile of cushions and posed. Tell me you don’t want to rub that belly!

Wild West typography: It isn’t often that two of my passions (typefaces and 1960s American TV westerns) are combined.

Yeah, Spain!

Spain takes the World Cup:  I expect some brutal hangovers this morning from the fans…

Extremes in specialization: Talk about picky.  I mean, what about Danish modern or Regency?

Cowgirl, yes. Texan, no.

Turning the clock back on human development: Leave it to Texas to boldly take a giant step backward and condemns their students to more ignorance and idiocy.  Nice to see an outside take on the issue.  Times like this have me despairin’ for the world. Makes me miss the late-great Molly Ivans, one righteous cowgirl who was not afraid to stand tall against small-minded bigotry, ignorance, and mean-spirited redneck ideology. 

There is simply no way that I can reconcile Texan hospitality and the cowgirl mystique with this idiocy, so just color me confused (but note the boots).

Missing Denise: My sister’s yartzeit was Friday. Hard to believe that it has been a year. (Actually, it will be a year by the Gregorian calendar in another week.)  Each holiday or event without her marks another milestone, so it was with some contemplative sadness that I found myself baking a cheesecake for Shavu’ot.

Terri is less hairy: Girl got a haircut this morning. She was well overdue. Now that the hotter weather is here, the brush is dry and loaded with burrs, so each walk ends with me picking oodles of the little buggers out of her fur. I’m lucky to have such a good girl; she sat patiently while the clippers whirred and buzzed around her.

First semi-final is tomorrow! That’s right, the insanity of Eurovision is upon us!  Don’t have your parties lined up? This is your chance. The first semi-final is Tuesday, the second is Thursday (that’s the one Israel is in), and the finals are Saturday. Yeah! If you haven’t reviewed this year’s entries, you still have time.

Upside the Head

I gotta smack someone: It’s been one of those days:

  • A deadbeat client wants me to do more work for them so that they can make the money they need to pay me. (Sound of me hitting my head on the wall…)
  • A student turns in an assignment that actually makes me feel queasy. Mistakes galore (punctuation, syntax, style), but the real kicker: he uses Word like a typewriter, adding a hard return at the end of each line.
  • Terri gets into the pesto. ‘Nuf said.

Luckily, I have a few online resources that always make me smile.  These are not for the faint-of-heart, so consider yourself warned:

  • Sleep Talkin’ Man: Adam’s alterego is hysterical.  And yes, this is the real deal.
  • Society for Librarians Who Say Motherf*cker: The name says it all. I wonder if Denise would have appreciated this or if it would have shocked her.
  • Clients From Hell: Mostly tales of graphic design clients, but we can all appreciate the pathos.
  • More Clients From Hell: Generic but rude. (And why, pray tell, do people feel the need to incorrectly capitalize prepositions in titles?)

Strange Shining Orb

What’s that bright thing in the sky? We wake to a vaguely familiar sensation of… sun!  Yes, after some of the rainiest, stormiest weather that seemed to last forever, the sun is now smiling on us again.  Everything is completely soggy, including growing patches on my ceiling.  My office is still shrouded in plastic sheets as our building va’ad bayit (homeowners’ association) scrambles to get bids from roofing contractors.

The sunshine makes our spirits soar.  Terri takes off like a rocket. After days of depressed plodding through short, soggy walks, she is once again free to bounce, run, dash, leap, romp, frolick, and scramble up the rocks in search of hyrax.  She spins around, runs in circles, and generally acts like a goofball as she burns all this pent-up energy.

Why are they surprised: I find it amusing that the NY Times, in covering Israel’s spectacular response in Haiti, comments about the total absence of aid from any of the oil-rich Gulf states.  Uh, duh.  They didn’t help in the tsunami, they didn’t help in South American mudslides, and they didn’t help their own brothers, the Palestinians.  So what else is new? They will still stand up in the UN and condemn Israel, and many of the countries who are now cheering us on in Haiti will support them. Same old, same old.

Word of the day: I spent over an hour yesterday struggling to solve a graphics problem. Finally broke down and asked a colleague who is a brilliant graphics expert. He explained that the problem was Internet Explorer, not me.  “Oh,” says I, “it’s a case of YAMFU (Yet Another Microsoft F*ck-Up).”  I just made it up, but I like it. Sort of rolls of the tongue, don’t you think? Go ahead and use it. YAMFU. Let’s see how far it spreads in the next few months.

And lest you think that I’m an anti-MS rabble-rouser, I’m not.  I run a Windows OS, I use many MS apps, and I think that with some applications, they’ve done a bang-up job of improving Help and other user assistance.  But, yes, they are so massive that even screwing up 5% of the time causes a huge impact on users.

Hi-tech envy: Ever watch those action movies where the bad guy opens a laptop, goes clickety-tippety-tappity for five seconds, and in less time than it takes to swallow that mouthful of movie theater popcorn, the full 20 million dollar wire transfer has appeared in his account? OK, this really pisses me off.  First of all, what the heck kind of laptop does he have that goes from standby mode to fully functioning, online, WIFI enabled, etc., in one nanosecond? Second, what’s his bank? A client in the States sends me payment via a wire transfer on Wednesday, and 48 hours later, it still hasn’t shown up in my Bank Hapoalim account.  Is there an Evil Action Villain account package that I don’t know about?

Granted, I’m one of these nerdy people who notice all the plot gaffs, the logic problems, and the continuity errors.  What’s your favorite movie “oh, pul-eeeeze!” moment?

Here Come the Nutjobs

Even when we try to help: This nutjob (from Seattle, davka), is claiming that we are in Haiti to steal organs.

Smile for the day: Yes, that broad American English “a” is awfully hard to pronounce, eh?