When are brains not an asset? When you are smart, mature women back in the dating scene. Bad enough when you are in your 20s; try starting over at (gulp) 49. If you are a college-educated woman with a white-collar profession, you are already going to intimidate most of the guys you meet. The higher your IQ percentile, the harder it is. Further, it’s a safe bet that you keep yourself in better shape, take more pains before that first date, and are more willing to “settle” than your male counterpart. Statistically, there are more single women in the their 40s and 50s than single men (at least here). A man of 50 is usually trying to snag a woman of 35 (or younger), not a woman his age. If you add in a culture that is markedly short on social niceties, you have a recipe for disaster.
Motze shabbat finds me heading into a blind date. We’ve talked a few times and I’ve seen a picture, but I’m not prepared for the incredible elasticity of truth. It appears that “close to target weight” means having a third trimester pot-belly. “Trying to quit smoking” translates into firing up a butt in front of me. “Handsome” means scary teeth and hair sprouting out of the ears. “Smart” means thinking that people are afraid of things because of liquid sloshing around in their brains (no, I couldn’t make that up), and that you can die from letting your dog sleep in your bed (which he knew because he read that some celebrity died that way). Yes, and that polite smile frozen on my face means that I am screaming inside my head.
Ironically, this paragon of availability complained that all the women he meets are doctors and lawyers and too snobby. (Translation: unlike me, they were not confined by the shackles of American politeness, so they didn’t bother trying to be nice once they met this troll.)
If the goal is to meet someone who is at least potentially compatible, why lie on your profile? I have three theories:
- They are not after a real relationship. Nu, do you think that you’re going to charm some woman into a quick and tawdry affair if she meets you and is so disappointed?
- They are either too lazy or incapable of reading your profile, so they have no clue as to how inappropriate you are.
- They are so self-deluded that they think that they are smart, handsome catches. (Years of instructing have confirmed this: women tend to underestimate their skills and level in a class, and men tend to overestimate their level.)
So clearly, I’m not the only pissed off, discouraged woman out there. Luckily, I don’t mind being on my own!
So share your best (i.e., worst) blind date story with us!